Monday, October 5, 2009

Let's play a little catch up...

Ok. So about a year and a half ago I was in a relationship that was challenging me to find my heart as a woman and as a woman that belonged to God first and foremost. I had recently finished reading Captivating by John Eldrege, which is a book that looks into the heart of a female and how it was created. So, at this point I was starting to see why certain things were hurting me the way they were and where it was coming form. My past hardly facilitated any introspection and I was not used to looking for the root of the things I did or the reason for the things I felt: so this flow of full emotion that was filling me was a completely new thing to me. Given the climate of my heart, something compelled me to read Songs of Solomon. I read it and I swear it changed my life; God often does that. I was able to read this book as a 3-fold kind of deal: a reflection of my relationship with the Lord, His relationship with the Church and my relationship with a man all at the same time. So, here is where my heart is when what follows arises.

An argument between my boyfriend(for lack of a better term, boyfriend doesn't seem quite adequate...he was much more) and I had left me hurt and feeling cut to the core. Thus comes this...

"Holder of the Sword"
Loving someone is the sharpest
of double edged swords.
With one edge it is capable of
Tearing down barriers and ripping down
Walls that guard the heart
Leaving its flesh exposed to feel
Indescribable and insurmountable feelings of
peace and joy and happiness.
With these you can conquer all things.
While still the other will cut you to the quick,
Stealing the life blood right from you
With breathe taking pain and anguish
Unmatched by any other emotion.
With only one gentle graze,
The wrong side of the blade
Has the power to kill the soul
And callous the vulnerable heart.
Holder of the sword, take care,
The matter is not light:
So easily the sword is swung,
Be sure of the way it falls.
With every thought, every action,
Every word the sword is at the root.
Which edge shall you use,
Holder of the sword?

I believe firmly in the words that flowed from my heart that day. I have come to realize that the power of the tongue is more than we, as a people, care to think about these days. With my words I have the power to heal or to kill. I am challenged to use my words wisely every day...given that my words, my sword, has that kind of power. I pray and hope, by the grace of God, my words are only words that give freedom to vulnerability and have no part in causing callus or pain in the heart of any person. I challenge you to be conscious of the way you wield your sword as well.

May this be so, only by the Grace of God EVERLASTING.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

The beginning

So this is the beginning. I started this blog in hopes of release and retrospect. The act of writing and publicizing will hopefully encourage a continued practice of delving into thoughts and beliefs so here I go.