tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14478136039201158982024-03-14T12:59:01.384-05:00Spilled MilkKacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-90029250425252843172014-07-10T11:05:00.002-05:002014-07-10T11:05:53.688-05:00Smitten...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's official. I am totally smitten. With the desert. If you read my last post you'd know that this is shocking to me. Never in a million years would I have assumed those words would ever breach my lips much less my heart. But let me tell you about it. First. ITS SO DIFFERENT. Like, what? Second. I have a mountain down my street. There are so many mountains. Ones with big rocks and lots of sand. Even the mountains are different. Third. There is no grass. What is grass? But there are bushes of all kinds with green and brown and purple, even, leafs that fill the sands and ad life and color. Also, there are 502143 different kinds of cacti all over the place. Big tall ones, short fat ones, skinny prickly ones, fuzzy ones. All kinds. Its fascinating! Fourth. I see lots of birds, bunnies and lizzards. I aint mad. Fifth. The humidity. There is, like, none. So when its 107 outside it feels like an oven BUT you are not constantly covered in sticky, nasty sweat. You dry out. Its nice. I'll take 107 with no humidity over 92 with 40% any day. And on the same note it drops almost 20+ degrees at night. No joke, I needed a jacket the first morning I sat outside for my quiet time and last night I was remarking how cool it felt and how nice it was. It was 90 degrees still. If I really take a look at what I love about being here (besides being with my HUSBAND, clearly) I think its that all of this represents so much more. Such deep truths. I'm out of my comfort zone and God still shows up. In my head all the years I saw the desert as this lonely, deserted, wasteland of nothing but bad things. Thats SO not true. He shows his glory and creativity and love everywhere. Not just Colorado or the Texas hill country. The sunsets and vastness speak of his beauty in way I've never seen. Here, I see resilience. And grit. And fortitude. And strength. And might. And power. I think thats really where the cactus obsession comes in. They are these crazy looking plants created to survive in a hostile and unfitting-for-most-life environments. They survive on 4.14 inches of rain a year (Thanks Andrew). That's practically nothing. They are given nothing and they survive. Not only do they survive but they thrive. And they offer a unique beauty. One only found in the desert, the hard places. They were also given thorns, armor, to help guard them against those that would steal their water, their blood, their life. I hope to live like that. I hope that I have enough trust in the Provider that I can survive on practically nothing in all environments because, really, he gives us what we truly need. Use the armor given to me against those who would steal. And offer in confidence my unique beauty that was given to show a greater beauty. Guys, I love it here. I'm inspired and curious and intrigued and a million other things. I dare you to come visit.<br />
<br />Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-15157235366696402012014-07-03T16:15:00.002-05:002014-07-03T16:15:32.419-05:00**THROWBACK!** Called to the desert...I never published this post, but need to to be able to be current going forward. Lets take a glance back in March, when this was originally written. Thanks for your understanding. ;)<br />
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Well. If you know me, even a little bit, you know that my least favorite nature things are heat, wind and sand. Put them all together you get a desert. A desert is the place I desire the least to ever visit. My bucket list might even include "never go to a desert." It doesn't but that would accurately describe my "feelings" for the desert. Another thing you might know if you know me even a little bit is that I am CRAZY about my man, a Marine, SEMPER FI! Our plan is to get married so his orders will also be my new orders. Last week he got his orders for his duty station post school of infantry. His mother calls me and she quite excitedly exclaims, "We got an email from Aaron! He got his orders! 29 Palms!" My immediate thought, "wait, what?" "29 palms!" (which is the Mojave desert in Cali) I laughed. Laughed a lot. It was a complete joke to me that the absolute last place in the world I ever wanted to be was at that base and of course thats where we're sent. I had even prayed it wouldn't be that one! Pendleton was supposed to be our adventure. His mom and I talked for a good 15 minutes about. Complete shock would be how I described what my brain was feeling for the next hour or so. I immediately call one of my besties, vent a little and hang up. My poor roomie got the worst of it. We sat a taco place for two hours mostly talking about the orders. Sorry, Mo. After a while I settle into an "it is what it is" attitude. Not so much angry anymore, but a bit confused confused. Why? Why the desert? Why such a tiny little town with nothing to do...IN THE DESERT? Ok, fine. I start calling those closest, my mom, my other besties. They also thought it was hilariously tragic. One thing I like is knowing things. Not crazy, spend hours researching but enough to feel in control of something, like I have a grasp on it. So I get home and start googling things. "Things to do in 29 palms." A trip advisor link pops up. "29 palms attractions." I bite. There are 13 things on the list. 13. No joke, two of them are visitor's center and the chamber of commerce. Thrilling. The first link though looked appealing. It was <a href="http://www.tripadvisor.com/Attraction_Review-g60870-d4443876-Reviews-Joshua_Tree_National_Park-Twentynine_Palms_California.html" target="_blank">Joshua Tree National Park</a>. I click the picture. There is nothing but sand, ew, spikey brown and yellow plants from big to small, ew, hay-y looking shrubs and these joshua trees that look like shaggy dead ones with spiky balls at the ends of the limbs and boulder formations that are lumpy and sideways and completely random sticking out of the ground where it doesn't even make sense and mountains in the background. It looked foreign. Even alien. Like another planet. As I get a bit farther into the slideshow I become a bit more intrigued and less weirded out. Then I came across this picture.<br />
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I was taken aback. It felt like God was saying, "You love me and I'm here too. I created this and it is beautiful. Can't you see? I'm right here." And I did. It is so different. But now I can see its beauty. A knot the size of a baseball began forming in my throat as I realized I was being "called to the desert." How many people that God has loved so dearly has he called out to the desert? Including his own son. To love on them. To be alone with them. To work out their crap even until they were whole. I was completely overwhelmed with how loved I felt that God wanted me, Aaron and I, to himself. To show us something new, himself without distraction. For us to be undistracted by "things to do." In that moment it all made sense. This is exactly what is best. I texted Katie and said, "I just got really excited about being 'called to the desert.'" Her response, "It's like Jesus was talking to both of us because I was JUST thinking about it being the desert and was about to call you." Then, I finally get to talk to Aaron about it a few days later. He says he's at mass and the gospel reading was the story of Jesus in the desert. He said he left knowing that God had called us to the desert for good. So weird how God works sometimes. How he turns your hatred to deserts into obsessions with cacti. How sometimes he chooses to let you in on a little secret. And sometimes he lets a handful of people all in on that same secret. So all this is to say that despite my previous objections. I cannot wait to meet my man in the desert! I'm so excited for what God has in store for us to learn and grow from and what crap he has to get rid of in us. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd say, "I'm going to the desert, YA!" but "YA!"<br />
<br />Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-65714279101289146572013-12-03T14:22:00.001-06:002013-12-03T14:22:37.647-06:00O Holy Night...So, Thanksgiving is over. I love it and am thankful for it buuut...we can officially begin the Christmas festivities with out the shame. If I'm being honest, I LOVE cheesy Christmas movies, you know, the hallmark classics with mostly bad acting. They're easy. You can watch them and not feel like you need to repent of all kinds of bad after. There is usually a cute little lesson learned and redemption of at least one character AND a love story all thrown onto a set of a winter wonderland. WHATS NOT TO LOVE?! I also started listening to Christmas music a bit prematurely as well. I'm not mad. It's just so good for 1,001 different reasons. They're classic. I can remember these songs for as long as I've been capable of remembering things. It feels good and comfortable. They always remind me of this time of year, which is my favorite. Its just a snuggly, feel good time (and less hot!). These songs are also talking about our Jesus and God's great love and the whole world is hearing about it whether they actually realize it or not. I do have a favorite though. I get a little choked up every time I listen to it. Can you guess? O Holy Night. So good. Let's talk about it. In the first verse the lyrics are "long lay the world in Sin and error pining." I just imagine our world, as is. So full of greed, selfishness, pride, envy, sickness and anger...people drowning in their heartache and pain with the weight of all of this on their souls, feeling like there is no good end or way out or up, prone in their misery, lost. "Till he appear'd and the soul felt its worth." The feelings and joy that come to mind when I think of a soul feeling the worth of Jesus is unspeakable. I'm tearing up as I write this. Imaging a soul that is so heavy and weary and week finally realizing there is hope, there is a way out. Finally feeling freedom and rest and ease. While those things may not manifest physically for so many people, they can all be a reality in and for our souls. There is a hope and a future. That someday when this world ends something so much greater waits. Jesus came to pay the price for the greed and envy and sickness. We no longer have to be separated from our God by the crap of this world. That realization makes the soul free! Can you imagine what it would be like for more of our world to feel His worth, the indescribable, insurmountable worth?! "A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices." I imagine people doubled over or prostrate on the floor lost in their sin and hurt raising their head once feeling the worth and freedom. That hope starts to form, slowly but surely. Moving through nations, spreading, people rising from the weariness of Sin. Weariness being replaced by a new sense of hope and joy. The bad no longer is eternal but temporary. There is HOPE. "For yonder breaks an new and glorious morning." People rising up! Seeing the Glory of the coming of the Lord. The night is over! The morning has come! The darkness has ended! The Son has risen. A new and glorious morning. "Fall on your knees! O hear the angel voices!" The goodness is overwhelming. Your knees cannot hold the weight or the glory of it all, you fall on them. The Angels can do nothing but sing aloud around you the goodness of redemption. This hope and glory breaks down walls of oppression and depression, that regardless of their existence there is an eternal answer. "O night divine, O night when Christ was born." The answer, Jesus, was born that night. That holy night when Christ was born was the beginning to the most beautiful redemption and salvation. From that night on nothing would be the same. The holy and divine night that brought God's grace and love to us, the answer. The night that Christ was born. I love this song. And will forever. Its the song of my hope. My eternal redemption. <br />
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What's your fave?Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-53140051682782947782013-09-18T14:54:00.002-05:002013-09-18T14:54:23.448-05:00All things new...Today, as so many things are changing I am clinging to the truth that God makes all things new and makes beautiful things out of nothing. It is the 16th of September. My man left to begin his journey to become a Marine yesterday. Two hours ago he swore in and will be standing in the hallowed yellow footprints tonight as so many great men before him have. I am so proud that he chose to fight for his country and our freedom and the freedom of many others around the world. I am deeply sad to be with out him but I know and trust that this is what he has been called to do so I cannot be sad with out being selfish. Pray for him with me? Another journey begins here for myself as well. I have moved back to Corpus Christi, a pseudo home town for me, which is weird because never in a million years did I see myself being back here again. This town is not a bad town but my idea of moving forward was not moving back to Corpus. It was clear that God called me back to Texas for so many reasons and I will not fight it even though I miss my New York City dearly and my church and my friends that I left there. I'm thinking a trip back is very soon in order. The reason I'm back in this town is to fulfill a position in a church as the Family Ministry Coordinator. Again, weird for so many reasons. I have been involved in ministry to high school students for so many years now through our beloved Young Life. But, Young Life is not a church. It is filled with leaders and committees and staff people to build a community among. YL has had a well oiled machine of a system for deep, meaningful ministry to those that are lost and hurting. And now my challenge is to take what the Lord has taught me inside Young Life and figure out what that means for ministry inside the church and I get to start from pretty much scratch. You may ask what the difference between YL and church youth ministry is and I would be glad to tell you if you wanted to read a novel. But you don't so...a few key points. YL does not have a building where kids of parents who know Christ come and bring them to my door step. YL happens on high school campuses and game fields and in restaurants and coffee shops. The kids we go after want nothing to do with Jesus or have no clue who he even is. It's pretty fun. Let me tell you a bit of my history so that all this makes a bit more sense. What I knew of Jesus in high school was what my YL leaders taught me. I did not grow up familiar with a church in my small town. Youth pastors didn't know me or come meet me or want anything to do with me if I came to them. So for me for a long time I had a sinful view of church youth ministry. I thought there was no place for someone who didn't have it all together or didn't have 36 verses memorized and have a bible with a cool cover with a fish or a cross. I was interested in Jesus but I felt that the church wasn't interested in me. But Jesus was. In my walk with the Lord in the last 8 years since high school he has shown me His church, not man's. He has shown me its worthy of love and trust because its really his and we sinful human beings just facilitate. He has shown me what it means to see people, all people inside the church just as Christ sees me and that is as a sinner saved by grace. I am a continual work in progress and so were the "church people" that hurt me. It was so incredibly unfair for me to assume that all churches and youth pastors are the same. You know what the say about assuming... This also taught me that Christian's flaws are NOT God's flaws. Just because someone siting in a church pew is rude or judgmental how could that possibly mean that God is?! I cannot imagine what my life with the Lord would be without my Sunday mornings in church or the sinners I worship along side. Back to youth ministry. In undergrad I was pursuing my minor in Christian theology and the only class that fit in my schedule was ironically a class all about youth ministry for the church. Picture me gagging and kicking and screaming all at the same time. I was HOT that that was the only class available because at this point my glasses were still foggy to what the Lord was doing in church youth ministry. I thought, "what the heck am I going to do sitting in a classroom filled with a bunch of graphic tee and ripped jean wearing, goatee trimmed faces of a bunch of men who sat happily on their butts at church waiting for kids to fall in their laps and kicking the messy ones right back out? This is the worst. There is nothing here for me." God, forgive me of those sins of judgement and COMPLETE ignorance. While at first there were many heated debates about what ministry is and should be, what it should look like, how it should be executed who should be sought after etc., what I found to remain at the end was group of people loving Jesus and trying to figure out how to share that with as many youth as possible. My perception of them was clearly wrong. (only a few of them even wore graphic tees) Their hearts were for the Lord and for kids. How could we be any more similar? We simply have a different call. My heart turned towards Christ in regards to church youth ministry in that classroom. I was intrigued by the thought I could be that youth person that changed what I assumed was truth about all youth pastors. I could take the outreach/relational ministry forms I have grown to love and know would make the heart of the Lord happy and put them to work to make church a place where sinners can come and be with Jesus. Where kids who don't have it all together can come and experience real, authentic community and not feel like outsiders. This is my passion and my heart, that all who want to know the Lord can. And those that don't know the Lord could come and taste and see that He is good. I'm sure that this new journey will be filled with face palms and face plants and trying not to sink but I'm sure God will teach me to swim. So, brothers and sisters, I IMPLORE you to pray for me as I walk with the Lord and ask kids to walk along side us. I sure as heck will need it. This will be quite the ride. You can look forward to my embarrassing stories.<br />
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***sidenote- this post is two days delayed. I began writing Monday but did not finish until now. So my man and I have been officially on our journeys now for 3 days.Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-30309355837555557562012-10-03T14:09:00.001-05:002012-10-03T14:12:58.500-05:00Its been a while...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">So here I am, in New York for 8 months now. What do I have? What have I learned? What have I done? Have I made it good? These questions I ask myself regularly. The pendulum swings from them being productive questions to repressive questions. Today, they are productive. The produce in me, today, energy to move forward, to be strong, to play my part as only I can play for the Kingdom. As I was listening to Mumford's new album and reading in Ephesians these are the pictures that stand out for me most. We can start with Mumford. There is a line in "The Boxer" (originally sung by Simon & Garfunkel...I choose Mumford's version) that says "'I am leaving, I am leaving.' But the fighter still remains." I'm not going to tell you what S&G or M&S is trying to say but I will tell you the story it tells me when I hear these lines. I see a man (or woman, namely...me) that has gone through hard times, has fought their way through and is left with scars from the battles whether they be battles they were put through or put themselves through. They have fought hard and long and are now on the other side choosing to lay certain things down, move on, move out from the things that have beaten him down. But one thing remains. The will to fight, to protect and succeed and strength. The battles fought teach you how to fight, build "muscles" and flexibility. These skills left once a fight is over are invaluable. You become stronger and more ready to be good, prepared. With peace and confidence and courage. As I continue to live life on this Earth of this thing I become more sure of every day. We are constantly in refining. And when we can see this as a blessing your day to day can become joy rather than oppression. I think of precious metals being melted. Refining changes the substance with fire, a painful and devastating thought. It might be easy to think that the precious is being ruined in the fire but what is actually happening is only the precious and good remains (because the refiner knows the exact heat needed for the process) and is reshaped for what it was truly meant to be. As the process continues different things are added to the precious to make it stronger and more suited for its use. Each time I'm put in the fire the things that make me weak like insecurities, doubt, fear and indolence are being taken away. They are being burned out of me leaving me with what makes me strong and precious and good. I'm being reshaped into what I am called to be on and for this earth. And this I welcome. I have had this picture in my head for the last five plus years of a woman naked but slightly veiled or shadowed, no detail or face or skin shown being lifted from a raging fire. She holds a posture of submission, strength, peace, confidence and ease. I have shied away from being that woman for too long here in the city. Today I choose to be how I am made. Nothing less. Who knows what that means practically each day but each day I'll figure it out. When I not being who I'm called to be not only am I sacrificing the Good Works that God has done in me but I am sacrificing the plans that he has to use me in His Kingdom for those that are lost and hurting. That brings me to Ephesians. Ephesians chapter 2 verses 19 through 22 paints this grand picture of building or a temple. He calls us as believers the household of God (and fellows with the saints) to be built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets with Christ as the only cornerstone that holds all together for the dwelling place of the Lord. I see a world where God has provided believers a place to build their foundation on. He has given us examples and led the way for us through his apostles and prophets. A literal reference point. He gave us Christ to unite us with Him and with each other to bind us and hold us together in his strength to form a bond so tight and so pure that it can be the dwelling place of the Lord. Literally, I see us as believers being accountable to what we are called to do, love Christ and love others, playing our part in this world that builds the Kingdom on earth. A place that allows God to be present which in turn allows those lost and hurting to enter our lives and see the work or the Lord for themselves. A place where they are free to experience his great love with out condemnation from us who know the truth. When we as believers can hold onto the truths of Christ and come together regardless of denomination or upbringing or culture or personality we are a part of something so much greater than ourselves. I am inspired to hold to my calling to be exactly that for those on the outside. I know the love of Christ too well to withhold it from any living being and will make it my forever mission to live my life in a way that allows God to be seen for who he is and to use my life to show his love. His love is too great. Brothers and sisters, be this with me! Lets be together a dwelling place of <span class="text Gal-5-22" id="en-ESV-29168">love, joy, peace, patience, <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29168C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup>kindness, goodness, faithfulness,</span><span class="text Gal-5-23" id="en-ESV-29169"><sup class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: top;"> </sup><sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29169D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup>gentleness, <sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29169E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)"></sup>self-control because there is nothing that can have power over these. </span></span>Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-53974193104477877272012-03-18T17:51:00.001-05:002012-03-18T17:51:22.622-05:00A piece of home...So, here we are. I've been living in the big apple for a month and a half now. It seems as though time is flying by. It kind of feels like I'm walking on one of those horizontal escalator things you see in airports. You know? You walk normal pace but since the floor is moving you're walking like double speed. Yeah, thats what its like. But the adventure my horizontal escalator had me on this past week was a wonderful one. I had a good friend here. Let me tell you a little about him so what I say after will be in context. We had done ministry together for a few years. He came on to my team as a green, wide-eyed freshman. He was mature for his age, curious and bold but young. He was just what our team needed. I haven't spent much time with him since this past May since I moved away but he was still a dear person to me. Now he is even more mature and wise to the ways of his Maker, is passionately seeking His wisdom and still bold, but not so young. I have been able to see this transformation that God is working in him and its such a blessing. Having my friend here was so great for so many reasons. Because he is who he is in Christ it was good to have him see my new life and affirm that I'm walking the right path. We had great conversation that was glorifying AND fun. But for me the visit was about more than just him, my dear friend. It was like having a little piece of home here in my new city. I have been separated for such a short time but since I'm on my escalator it seems like a lifetime. He served as a reminder of the wonderful things I left behind. It reminded me that there are people back home that know me, my mess and my sin and still choose to be my friend, and not only be my friend but love me in spite of myself. It was a reminder of the blessing that God made of my community and a reminder of what to strive for in my new world of relationships. Him leaving was a hard thing, again, for more reasons than just himself. When he left he not only took my friend, he took the window to my old world, my piece of home and my comfort of what home represents to me. It was hard to have that leave. I didn't want to let him take that away. As I walked away from the train station to the subway it took all that I had not to cry in front of the wide range of characters you find the subways at 1am on Friday. Only a few tears betrayed me and I had already reached the track so the only ones who took notice were the rails and few pieces of garbage. But really, home never does go away. It never disappears, I think. Home makes its place in your heart and as far away as you can go, home is there. For the first day or so after my piece of home and my friend left it was a sad time. I was constantly reminded of everything I loved and missed, of what makes home Home. I had become pretty good at not thinking about home so I wouldn't be sad. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to make that go away. I kept thinking how much I just wanted to go back home. But in that, I was also aware that to step away from where I am would mean that I was stepping away from the utmost and highest he has for me right now. That is not something I care to step away from. Like Moses in the desert, I fight for my attitude to be that of his. That the desert with God is better than the promised land with out him. Not that if I go home I would be exiled but I know that that is not the plan right now. I set out today to reconcile those feelings. To figure out how to make it through this weird transition time of missing my Home and desiring His highest for me. I took a bit of hike to a coffee shop to listen to a sermon, read a book and just reflect. The sermon was wonderful, as it usually is. Thank you Matt Carter for following the heart of Jesus. I picked up where I left off in the book, "Out of Solitude" by Henri Nouwen that I have been talking about and of course it was perfect. He opens with John 16 where Jesus is telling his disciples that he is living in a short amount of time but will return again in a short time and he continues to discuss with his beloveds what this all means and could look like. Nouwen was discussing expectation and what it means to expect in patience and in joy. He talks about those who "expect joy to come out of sadness can discover the beginnings of a new life in the center of the old, that those who look forward to the returning of the Lord can discover him already in their midst...Expectation brings joy to the center of our sadness and the loved one to the heart of our longings. The one who stayed with us in the past will return to us in the future becomes present to us in that precious moment in which memory and hope touch each other. At that moment we can realize that we can only expect someone because he has already touched us." He also uses a story of a friend leaving home and the friend says "if the good-bye wasn't painful, the hello cannot be joyful either." Man, there is so much to unpack in all this. We will start with my friend...Its ok for me to be sad he is leaving because that means that he is good in my life. I can be sad at the leaving of the representation of home because Home = good. And if hurts to watch those leave then coming home again will be oh-sooooooo-good. I cannot wait to come home. The pain of the absence truly does tell me how much value it has in my life. I am glad to have something that good even if it hurts to be away. Now, for the other part, the "how can I reconcile the missing the old with the coming of new." I found peace again today after a day or two of unsettledness. I am reminded that I have seen what is good and can look forward to the returning of that in my life wherever I am. I can hold onto the memories of the work that He was doing in my life with Hope of his continuing work and plans. I am so excited to continue my life expecting the joy of Christ with patience that knows its worth it to wait. I pray that I can hold onto these truths. I do certainly apologize for the length of this silly thing, but condensing isn't always my forte. Forgive me?Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-59732555745363693152012-02-27T23:26:00.000-06:002012-02-27T23:26:32.244-06:00Settling in...I feel like I have so much to say so bear with me as I sort my scattered thoughts. So, since the last update a million and five things have happened. Very shortly after the post this girl named Candice from London stayed at our apartment and we got to spend some really sweet time together. I didn't know her before the day she came to stay for a week. I met her the night before at a show she played in a cozy lounge in SoHo. She was wonderful and talented. What was really great is that we got to talk about our lives with each other. And her story spoke to me. And me getting to talk deeply also was soothing to my soul. We stood third in line for an hour at a theatre on broadway for tickets to How to Succeed in Business, sipped lattes and ate brunch at a bistro, sat at Lincoln Center for fashion week and, of course, went and saw the show. It was great. And I met Nick Jonas...I'll get to that in a sec. To sum it up. My Jesus sent me her just to share life with someone. And it was good. So, Nick Jonas. I hung around after the show to see how he interacted with people to see if he, I don't know, was as genuine as he presents himself in other areas of his life. Everyone was yipping and squealing and pushing papers at him to sign and sticking cameras out for pictures. He would politely say thank you or you're welcome and smile for the camera. Well, the girls in front of me stepped out of the way once they got their autograph and I was exposed. I assumed he was expecting me to thrust my playbill in his face for an autograph, I didn't want an autograph, I'm not about them. He looked at me and kind of smiled so I stuck my hand out and said I just wanted to shake your hand and tell you you did a great job tonight. He looked stunned, fumbled out a, "thank you, thank you so much." And I returned the smile said you're welcome and turned to leave and he said, "you have a good night!" So I turned back around and responded with a "thanks, you too." I saw an unexpectedness and a thankfulness and humility in his eyes. That was really cool. He definitely lived up to the expectation I had of him as a believer. Hooray! In other news, I've also been to the opera, the movies, a cool studio (where Beyonce shot "love on top"), had a few lunches, diners and other things, started a job, got lost on trains, went to a few shows and was an extra for a friends film for one of her classes at the New York Film Academy. So many cool "new yorkish" things, WITH PEOPLE! I think I really needed a desert time to realize how much of a blessing the road God has paved before really is. And it was such a short desert time. I am quite thankful for that as well. I'm sure they will come and go from time to time, I'm under no veil. After that quiet time I had prepared myself for a few months of that feeling, and I felt ready to battle it because I was fighting with the creator on my side. But His plan was different. AND THAT IS WELCOMED! I feel like I'm settling in nicely. I do have friends I can call up for lunch or coffee. Even dinner really! I don't feel lonely. I do still get bored sometimes though. But I'll take boredom over loneliness any day! I have made friends with some really cool people and am very excited to see how things unfold. I have an itch that something greater is in store. Like something is just around the corner that is great and big and wonderful and meaningful. I feel an itch to do something...bigger, more. And the anticipation is killing me but it is so good because I know that his timing is perfect and I'll wait. BUT OH GOSH! I can't wait. :) If you would, pray for me that I am present in my own life and paying attention to his presence in mine most importantly. I'll keep you posted. Onward!Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-32613588885239502982012-02-07T15:37:00.002-06:002012-02-07T15:37:18.740-06:00Truth be told...I'd be lying if I told you everything has been easy as pie, or gravy. But turns out it hasn't. The city is wonderful and a host of a great many things to do. This is the problem. Hardly any of those are things that I would want to do by myself. There are so many restaurants I want to try, shows I want to see. Here, I am painfully aware that I am new and I am far, far away from my community and family. From friends I can just call up and say, "hey, lets do lunch!" or "Lets go see Lion King on Broadway!" OR LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON. I have began to make friends and a few that I am SUPER excited to see where our friendship takes us in this city! But not quite a community and not quite close enough to just call up. I have no doubts that I will get there eventually, that I will settle in and find my niche because I know this is where he wants me. (Speaking of niches and nooks...I'm sitting at a coffee shop called Penny House Cafe and I think I found my homey neighborhood coffee...that is a great find for me in settling). So as I was speaking of my insecurities and loneliness to my besty Katie today, I felt a little lighter being able to externalize my internals. Ya know what I mean? I finished our convo and came in enjoyed my chai and bagel and relaxed. I started reading this book she loaned me called "Out of Solitude" by Henri J.M. Nouwen. It dropped some truf on me fa sho. He opens with scripture from Mark's Gospel, the story of Jesus going out to a lonely place to pray. And then he dives into the work that God does when we seek him, when we find those places of solitude to allow him to center us and focus us on whats really good and really right. He talks about how our lives are centered around actions but should be conversely centered around stillness and Christ and when they are our actions become an overflow of good rather than empty. It so makes sense and I have many stories to prove it in my own life. He talks about how in our business and action we start to believe that that is our worth and how when we believe that we have to live up to certain expectations. I can keep going on and on about the good things he called attention to but I wont. You'll just have to read it. The point of me telling you all of that is that having read that I have a renewed sense of my worth being here. Its not in my actions that I have enjoyment or worth but In Christ. I may be lonely but I am not alone and God does some crazy work when I allow myself to be undistracted for a time. I am ready to tackle this lonely season now because I can't wait to see what God does as I sit and listen. I can enjoy myself here, by myself, because my joy does not have to come from external motions and actions. That is great thing to be reminded of. I knew all these things before, but its easy to lose sight of truth when you surrounded by doubt...<br />
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I can have joy on a Friday night in the city as I sit alone. I can have joy as I sit alone in the subway on my way to central park by myself. Because truthfully, I'm not alone. I take a deep breath. Let it out. Smile. And continue this day renewed and encouraged by the greatness of what God offers. The peace. True peace. I am grateful. "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as this world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27. "You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off. Fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:9-10 (sidenote on the Isaiah scripture, as I finished reading in O.O.S. I opened my bible randomly just to see what comes up. This is what I open to. And my page marker is here which is strange because I remember mostly putting it into my place that I left off in 2 Corinthians yesterday...I was affirmed, again, in His word that he is with me and he is sustaining. This time was good)Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-85400871893239201902012-02-04T20:32:00.002-06:002012-02-04T20:41:21.491-06:00A Little Exploring...<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; color: black;">So today I went exploring. THE TRAIN WAS PACKED LIKE SARDINES! And super slow. There were many "whoops'" and "excuse me's" and "pardon me's" being thrown around. Most of them communicated by looks really. I left my apartment in Brooklyn intending on checking out the American Museum of Natural History (the one on night at the museum) but I got off the stop and the line was so looooooong. I decided to wait another day. So instead I got to spend extra time at central park before sundown/cold time. I surfaced on 76th and entered the park after a chap stopped me to talk about human trafficking. I called an audible and treked to Starbucks for a keep-me-warm hot chocolate.</span>When I finally meandered back into the park slopes and lakes and people and rocks greeted me. It was a sight for sore eyes. I'm already missing green. But There is tons of it here in Central Park! Hooray for me! It was beautiful and wonderful and truly a breath of fresh air. My first stop in the park was this little peninsula where you can see across most of the lake with the building playing peek-a-boo over the tree tops. There were pretty little mallards with their emerald heads swimming across the glassy water. So lovely. Then...</div>
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Bow Bridge. I loved this bridge. It was so romantic. Like Jane Austen herself wrote it into existence! I really would have liked to sit here a while longer and imagine but there was just so much more to see. And it was a bit to chilly to just sit around. Just around the bend from here is Bethesda Fountain. I was on the steps for maybe 10 seconds when I hear these wonderful sounds. It was voices. It sounded like so many so I followed my wanting ears to the tunnel between the stairs. Five people were standing in a line (it turned out to be a family: two boys, two girls ranging from 12ish to 25ish and a dad). I wish I could put into words what it was like to hear them sing. The guy around 20ish was bewitching. I would rather listen to him sing than John Legend any day and thats saying a lot. It was like the notes drifted from his humble mouth and wrapped gently around your face to hold your attention. They were harmonizing hymns, giving them new life full of joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and gentleness. And each of them possessed the humility and kindness in their words, their song and their voice. The middle girl came up to me and asked if I wanted a cd. They were $10. I only had $5 so I gave her the $5 anyway and said "I'm sorry I don't have enough cash but I please take it anyway." She gave me a cd and said don't worry about. Super cool. Cause now I can keep listening! I hated to leave the beauty but I felt a little creeperish staying as so many others came and went. I did listen to three songs after all.<br />
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The other side of the tunnel called my name. Immediately on the other side I saw a mega sized bubble blower with a girl dancing behind the bubbles getting her picture taken. She was character. Then it was rollerbladers doing tricks. Then almost getting run over by a skateboarder. Then a saxiphone player. Then a dog with a ball. She dropped it at my feet, sweet thing. I threw it for her. Then art booths. Then a walk down 7th to Times Square with lots of lights and people. Then the subway. As I walk down the steps to the platform I hear a soulful, raspy voice of a 40/50 year old man singing sexual healing. He really had a great voice. He then sang Proud Mary. He invited me to sing along. I did! It was fun :) He told me that he thought I looked happy and that he doesn't usually get to tell people that. We chit chatted and his kind words were refreshing. He dedicated a song to me that I didn't quite know but was familiar with, it was sweet and hilarious. Then he sang Ain't No Sunshine, which happens to be a favorite of mine. He was a kind soul. I caught my train back home and now I'm here. Exhausted. And ready for bed and its only 9. And thats no good because I know if I go to bed I'll just wake up in a few hours bright eyed and bushy tailed. I guess pinterest and coffee will be my awakeness helpers. Wish me luck! Thanks for stoppin' by folks! Miss you TEXAS!</div>Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-66278621881418773072012-02-02T14:51:00.001-06:002012-02-02T14:51:12.291-06:00My First Day...WARNING! THIS ISN'T SHORT:: So, here I am. Its official. I live in NYC. How 'bout that? I hate to admit it but I came here with the preconceived notion that the people were going to be...well...frankly...rude. Let me tell you of my experiences. So I get off the plane and head to the oh-so-fun baggage claim and decided it would be a grand idea for me to get a trolly since I had so much figgin' stuff. The machine wouldn't take my money. A car driver then informed that I "never need to buy one. There are always ones around ready for me to take." I told him how great of an idea it was and his car driver friend (who, by the way, beamed of kindness and gentleness) affirmed that it was true. So I start to head off to grab one and then the driver (the first one) said, "let me go get it for you, my plane hasn't landed yet." I was completely taken aback! My bags come and he hasn't returned so I looked around for him and didn't see him. The second driver comes up to me assures me he is coming back and then returns to his post. I walked up to him and admitted my notions of the people in NYC and that neither of them fit my notion. He said, "there are some of every kind. But you're nice, you'll find nice people and God will put nice people in your path." What a soul. I was warmed by his kind words. The other driver retuned with my cart! Hooray! And he loaded my bags for me too! So I head to my cab hopped in and was on my way. The cab was on $27! I was expecting $50. I called my new roomie so she could meet me outside and show me the way. A person of small stature and build comes out of the building towards me so I wave. It wasn't her. It was a guy. Whoops. So I apologized and explained to him I thought he was someone else. He said no biggie and asked if I was going somewhere as he pointed at my mountain of things that accompanied me. I said no, that I was actually moving in. "Cool," he said and extended his hand in introduction stating that he was "James from 214." Thats great because I'm in 114, we share a ceiling/floor. We small chatted and he headed off. 3rd nice person. Victoria come out with arms wide for a hug and a big smile that was a breath of fresh air. She helped me in and I met Liz who was also quite welcoming and warm with a hug. Victoria made me cupcakes in welcome! So great, because I was starving after having not eaten for 12 hours! She also made me a grilled cheese, clutch! Nice people 3 and 4. The other two roomies made it home. Also nice 5 & 6 accompanied by Britt, who is GREAT...nice #7. The next morning I went for a walk and coffee and a croissant at Sit and Wonder and the barista was sweet. Nice person 8. Went to the grocery and stood dumbfounded at the $7 miracle whip. As I was attempting to figure that out a firefighter came up and was looking for something near me. I felt like a dummy just standing there so I made a comment about the grocery prices. He gave me great tips on saving money on groceries. Nice #9. (Lets abbrev. to n#9). Next, I needed to get to Ikea for hangers and a towel and an alarm clock (SINCE MY PHONE ONLY HAS RECEPTION STICKING OUT THE WINDOW IN THE LIVING ROOM). I wrote my stops on my hand so I didn't have to pull out a map, I have no desire of looking like a tourist. A large gentleman with tattoos and bald head sits next me. I smiled as he sat and he returned the smile. He a few minutes later asked if it was permanent as he pointed at the scribble on my hand in curious manner, not condescending. I said, "no, its my stops. I moved here last night and didn't want to look silly with a map. But don't tell anyone!" He laughed and assured me he wouldn't. We chit-chatted about his tattoos and other things. Turns out he was in the marines and stationed in Corpus a while back. Who knew!? N#10. I get out at the terminal and couldn't find the stop for my bus that was supposed to be right of the terminal. I walked circles around the building. Finally found it and waited. (It was right out of the terminal, it was just marked shuttle and not b6whatever like it was supposed to be) While waiting a man with a news camera asked me if he could ask me a few questions. I said maybe. So he told me that so-and-so was making a state of the burough speech and he was tasked with finding out what people in the burough thought. I informed him I had only been here since last night so I wouldn't be that great of a person to ask. He asked me a couple of questions about that. He was nice. N#11. After waiting a while longer I read that the shuttle only runs after three. I looked at my watch it read two. So I go to starbucks get a coffee and sit on the steps of the building on the opposite side. I looked at my watch again. 2:35. Then I realize that my watch was still set to Texas time. Dummy. I missed the bus twice. I made it back and got on the 4 o'clock shuttle. I got my items after having to figure out the two story maze that ikea was. I checked out and headed to the door where two security guards greet you to check bags and receipts. Turns out the lady didn't charge me for everything. I froze thinking I was going to get pulled in for shoplifting. I swore to him that I wen't through the line and bought the bag so I ... Him and the other guard believed me and said no biggie. And make jokes about the cashier. He took me back to get me checked out properly. He had to write what happened in a little book and was making jokes with me during the process. So was the other guy. N#12, 13. I make it home finally! My plans for the evening were to meet a friend for dinner on Canal Street. We did. She and the dinner were both great!! We trek to Lincoln Center to see the beautiful buildings and a huge line of police cars parks along a row of nice cars. We make our way a little closer so we can see what was going on. We got bold and asked the tall gentleman security guard what was going on. He told us it was just a drill. Maybe he was telling the truth :) We chatted for a while and turns out he is from Gambia (West Africa). N#14. He called over his other security guard friend so he could introduce us. He was Mike from Brooklyn, an Italian who grew up there. We all chatted a while longer. Mboob (sec. guard 1) had to leave and Mike called over his friend Zhi who's parents were from just south of Brazil. We kept chatting for a while. We absolutely bantered about where we were from and accents and other things. N#15 and 16. Chantilly and I went back to her place to see her new puppy. It was 12 and I was exhausted so it was time to head home. Two hours later!!! I made it. So sleepy. Now I sit my second day here completely dumbfounded by the caliber of niceness I have encountered. I'm glad to say that those notions were shot down %100. Now, I'm sure that I will meet people that fit the rude criteria but that will no longer define the city as a whole. I am so excited about what God is going to do while I am here and what people he has in line for me to meet. But for now, I must go! I'm meeting Alison for dinner. YUM! Sorry this was just sooo long. Take care, Pray for me and the city?!Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-7216671908234627872012-01-06T01:20:00.001-06:002012-01-06T01:20:26.578-06:00State of the Union...Here is my address. My heart is breaking because our great union is anything but a union. As I watch the news or read articles or see pictures there is disunity of every kind and I'm ashamed of what we have become. Americans are fighting Americans. Where is the sense in that? We are on the same team! We are civilized human beings with a conscience. Act like it! Instead of celebrating success we scorn those who are successful and demand a portion instead of working for it. People are crying out for help and a grubby check is thrown at them every month to silence the cries. Neither of these does anyone any good. There are mouths in this country that go unfed. There is no reason for hunger to exist here! There is greed on every corner from top to bottom, no class is excluded here. Our greed will continue to drive us to the grave. If you don't have money don't buy. You have an extra dollar? Help someone out. We have created a culture of class wars and takers. Our culture is greedy and needy and as long as those two exist there is disorder sure to follow. Where are we Americans? Where is our pride in hard work? Where is our generosity and compassion? Where is our true charity? Where is our will to fight for each other for the good? Where is our sense of UNITY in this united states? Stop fighting! Put away your signs and fight for a job, fight for an education. You can do it I believe in you. The other percentage. Open your eyes. See what you are doing and what you are NOT doing. See who is around you. If you have resources you don't need give someone a hand, I'm sure you've had a hand a time or two. Give someone a job. You CAN afford it, I'm sure. If you can't I bet you know someone that can. Look out for your fellows! America, do not be too high and mighty that you wont take a job that is "below" you. If you need a job TAKE IT until you figure something else out. Pull it together America! We can be strong. We can be powerful and a mighty nation. But as long as we fight each other we will fall. Stop taking what you do not deserve. Work hard. Pay fair. Treat each other with respect. HAVE respect for yourselves. Lets fight <i>for</i> each other not <i>against</i>. We have brains, <i>use them</i>. America, I believe in you. I believe that we have what it takes to bring us back again. You are strong, be strong! Make sacrifices. Take pride in who you are and what you can do! Whatever it is! This country needs all types, we have all types. Pick up your head and see what you can do for someone, for yourself, your neighbor, for your country, for your fellow Americans. <i>Come on America!</i> Wake up! Pay attention! We are bigger than this. We can do better! We <b><i>are</i></b> better than this! I BELIEVE IN US!Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-69501502670177876232012-01-05T00:28:00.002-06:002012-01-05T00:28:38.743-06:00Here and there...So here I am. Its January 4th, 2012. And I am on a brand new journey. So far a new year is bringing me a new job, a new home, a new roommate, a new zip code and a new state even! And all this new is making me shake in my boots a little. I'll have never been so far away from things that make me feel at home. My family. My friends. The people that know me and <i>still</i> choose to love me. I have the very best of friends that allow me to be who I am. Extend me grace when I don't deserve it. Compassion when I need it most and Love when I am every bit of a fool. They see my sin and say Yes to me anyway. That is Christ working in the hearts of the people around me and it blesses me tenderly and abundantly. Out of all the "news," a new community is what scares me the most...terrified might be a better adjective. Really thats the only thing that scares about moving to<b> NEW YORK CITY</b> (yeah, thats where I'm going). Building a new community. Man, thats hards work. It took me six years to build what I have now. Six years of conflicts and resolutions. Molding and Shaping. Bending and at times even breaking but always being redeemed. And now, I'm starting from scratch. All over again. I'd be lying if I told you that insecurities of it possibly taking a really long time didn't exist in my heart every now and again. What if I don't find that again at all? Its a possibility. I love my friends. I love my family. Just as they each are. Here is what I have to remember. I have to remember that if God is going to call me somewhere, which is what I feel like he has done, then I have to trust that He will meet me there. I know He desires community with us and will allow me to find it. Yeah, it probably will take quite a bit of time and lots more work but its so worth it. My community now is every bit of proof I ever need. Even if I do not find a community for quite some time I need to rely on the community that exists between me and the trinity. And that alone is the most glorious of communities. And more sustaining than anything else on this splendid, green earth. I need that truth burned into my heart!! So here's to my new journey God has sent me on! Cheers! Pray for me?Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-84401929638561742792011-11-10T14:33:00.007-06:002011-11-10T19:46:53.009-06:00Heavy boots..<span class="Apple-style-span">My boots are heavy today. There is not one thing I can pinpoint as the issue here. I think its more of a combination of all sorts of small things. I miss my friends, my community. You see, I moved to Rockport a few months ago (my parents house, yes I know, I'm too old) as kind of a transition place. I'm still not transitioning to anything or anywhere. My life is considerably different than how I assumed it would be right now. Thats what happens when you assume, I've been told. But, alas, I am here. I'm not being a productive person in society or for the Kingdom and I think I struggle with that, not being productive. I have a life that has been given to me, and I have every intention of using it to the fullest that God can use me. Its hard not knowing how to use it, being scared you might waste it with mediocrity. I have never struggled with these things before now. I've always had something to do, a mission to be on. Maybe this is also a lesson, which is good, lessons are always good. But its still hard, you know? I still miss my friends. Inside jokes. Laugh fests. Dinner nights. Movie nights. Hang out nights. All of it. Even fights because it meant I was in close enough proximity to see the messy part of someone and vise versa. I've had most of these friends for the past 6 years! I miss them. I don't believe "miss" accurately relates the degree in which I long to be with them all again. Even the ones I didn't know all that well. Its hard pressing on with out a physical group of friends walking along side you. Sometimes if I'm not careful I feel alone. I may be lonely but I'm never alone. And sometimes I forget that his company is just as much offered as my friends. </span> And its not that I didn't seek his company before, its just different with no one around. <span class="Apple-style-span">His peace is lasting and more meaningful, eternal. Maybe this is a lesson as well. Relying on him in new ways. Not allowing friends to be a crutch. That is good. Hard to remember sometimes. But, oh, so good. He is Good. The following verse is one of my favorite promise from the mouth of Christ himself. It has sustained me well as of late. "<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Peace I leave with you;<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 0.65em;"><sup class="xref" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-26684BE" title="See cross-reference BE">BE</a>)" style="font-size: 0.65em; line-height: normal; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: text-top; "></sup></span> my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 0.65em;"><sup class="xref" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-26684BF" title="See cross-reference BF">BF</a>)" style="font-size: 0.65em; line-height: normal; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: text-top; "></sup></span> Let not your hearts be troubled, neither<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 0.65em;"><sup class="xref" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-26684BG" title="See cross-reference BG">BG</a>)" style="font-size: 0.65em; line-height: normal; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: text-top; "></sup></span> let them be afraid."-John 14:27. I will receive your peace, my Christ. Thank you, eternally grateful.</span></span>Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-33050885434045702772011-08-04T12:14:00.002-05:002011-08-04T12:33:31.830-05:00Our condition...It seems a common theme, our condition, in this season in my life. I had the pleasure of being close with one of the most dearest people in the world. In this closeness his brokenness has been revealed and it breaks my heart. I see how this brokenness effects his view of himself, others and Christ, most importantly. Which, of course, a broken view of Christ leads to a whole new mess. This hurt in his life seems to have stemmed from how his broken father related to him. Its a shame, this cycle of passed around hurt. Gosh, what I wouldn't do to fix this brokenness for him. I think that this also is the heart of the Father. He would do anything to save us from ourselves. And he has, in Christ Jesus. He has pulled out all the stops from the beginning of time to this moment. The only thing left undone is forcing us to accept, which he will never do because then we would no longer be free lovers. There have been a great many times in my life where sin has caused me to see Christ incorrectly. Most of the time I was completely oblivious to it until things were out of hand anyway. Tragic, that is. The worst was guilt and shame. I was so busy trying to hide it and protect myself from consequence that it built walls of rock and concrete between my heart and my Jesus. Who knew? It took me a couple years to figure that one out. But when I did, gosh, I could have slapped myself hundreds of times. My pride protecting my shame only kept the grace of God out. Stupid. The second I let go of all of that the world around me and inside of me changed. And it keeps doing so every time I choose to see God rather than sin. He sure does have it all figured out. I picked up the books "Knowledge of the Holy" by A.W. Towzer and "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. Who knew how well these books go together. Previous to these I read The Shack for the second time and the first two books of the Chronicles of Narnia series. It seems strange to me how God can purpose timings of books I want to read for the path He has me on. I've had some of them for a while sitting on my shelf wanting to be read and not being. But now I am and the timing is perfect. It seems as thoug He's taking me on a journey of self-sorting and knowing to bring about a more clear view of who He truly is. Its funny how easily we muddy that up. I'm excited for this Journey because what comes to mind when I think about God is the most important thing about me, says Towzer and I believe him, fore it effects the whole rest of my life. Bring it on. Pray for me?Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-53559705341146417142011-05-08T00:03:00.003-05:002011-05-08T00:13:52.381-05:00Good grief Charlie Brown...Thats about how I feel right now. All my insides are mixie'd. This is a very interesting place in life for me. So many things are unknown. I have no job, and need one. I'm graduating and I have know idea what I want to do now because I don't know what I'm called to do. And I only wanna do what I'm called to do. I wanna speak, but who listens? <div><br /></div><div>In times like these its easy to forget that God has got it all worked out and that I'm am right on track, his track, its just not for me to see yet. I'm not merely floating in life lost without a life jacket, I'm being led by the hand of my creator and he's got the map right now. This waiting period is interesting. I wonder what he's finishing in me before we move on to the next thing. What is he preparing me for? When we are waiting on the Lord with the Lord, time is never stagnant. We're not merely bumps on a log but we're talking a walk. We are seeing things, learning things, knowing things as we are on our way to our next stop. Where shall it be? What will I do? Who knows, but God? It really is irrelevant because I know that whatever it is I will be with my God and any place that is will be good, not always easy, this I know, but good. I'd rather be in a dessert with him than the Promised Land with out him and I'm in good company with that conviction. </div><div><br /></div><div>Can't wait to see what he has in store for me, Kacey May.</div>Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-78822857237451070482010-12-19T11:58:00.003-06:002011-08-07T13:12:03.961-05:00Just a little weepy...You know, its a funny thing. I've been a little weepy lately. I'm not really sure why. I'm not much of a crier. Anger is a closer frienemy than my tears. I took a job at my church as the Administrative coordinator and I've seen a lot of brokenness, broken families. It breaks my heart. I'll see a man walking down the street with dingy clothes and a limp, breaks my heart. I talk to one of my younglife girls who doesn't have money for lunch. Hear a story about a kid at a high school who is hungry and ashamed and hardened because of it. A friend who was raped and wavers in belief of God's goodness because of Man's sin. This all brings me to tears, and I really do think its a good thing, the tears that is. Why, you might ask? Because I think these are things that break the heart of my Heavenly Father. He did not create us to know hunger or pain. He created us to be in a perfect relationship with him. It hurts to know that there is a chance that things could have never turned out as they have. This life was chosen for us by those that were before us and we still don't seem to choose God the way he desires us. Even if we do, others don't always do and that leaves us to still deal with the mess of Sin. There is grace and beauty in this story though. We know Sin because God created us free to choose, complete freedom to choose. With the ultimate choice of Him the opposite is also ultimate. Free love is better than conditional any day and God knew that. He wants us to be free lovers, never forced into relationship with him. When I see the opposing side I see no other choice. I choose to live for God because He is good and I was created for him and by him. I want to be in a relationship with him. Why would I want to eat from a garbage can when a banquet table is being offered?That seems nonsensical. Choosing him also makes me a little weepy sometimes too, but in a different way, in way that says, "I am home and safe." I have a hope in my future because the redeeming power God has offered through Christ. And thats a big deal. This world is not the end of my story, its only the beginning. Praise God, heaven here I come, I'm coming home someday.Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-67643403306155738252010-04-28T10:51:00.000-05:002010-04-28T11:17:45.452-05:00Life..."Life." That word has more meanings than I ever care to define. What would you say life is? Some say it is the summation of events during a time that a person is alive...maybe the ability to breath and keep your body alive. Everyday I feel as though I'm challenged to define life. Can you ever really though? It seems as though the definition changes...but does it? I'd like to say that my definition of life is the ability to experience God's grace and compassion, redemption and love amidst the crap of the world enslaved to sin and experience what he has to offer through it all. True living is seeing God in all situations. It is being redeemed to my Creator. That is where I find true life. For me life is only given through God. Why do I say this, you might ask? Because with out God giving me a way out, a hope and a future, then so many times I would be dragged away and enticed by my own sinful desires and what life is that really? If I were constantly living in sin? Living life sitting in a dirty diaper. I would be plagued with self-conciousness and self-pity. I would struggle with a bad attitude and anger. Knowing myself before Christ pulled me out of the pit, my "life" would be far from pure in any way. And what life is that? That is no life. That is anger and strife and pain. No one cares to live that life if they truly would think about it. Somedays I find myself defining my "life" as pretty close to the aforementioned. Luckily God doesn't just pull me out of the pit once. It's true my heart is prone to wonder from the One I love. But my true heart longs to love my God. I pray that I can live my "life," experience life and define life not by what the world says it is but what my God offers. Pray with me?Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-91841176022109244022010-04-25T12:57:00.000-05:002010-04-25T13:33:32.255-05:00Beg...<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(84, 85, 89); font-family:Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;font-size:12px;"><div id="songlyrics" align="left" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; "><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 18px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Here I am<br />One more day of not<br />Loving Him the way He asks<br />In fact my heart is singing praises to the things<br />that make me feel alright<br /><br />So I’m sinking fast like a stone heart should<br />And on the way down<br />I’ve done what I could<br />To try and try to turn this stone to flesh<br /><br />I’m haunted by my God<br />Who has the right to ask me<br />What by the nature of my rebellion<br />I cannot give.<br /><br />So I beg for you to move<br />I beg for you to move<br />I beg for you to break through<br /><br />So here I am<br />Got my deeds for the day<br />All my cute little words about<br />How I am saved<br />Am I saved?<br /><br />Could I love you with my mouth like a church kid should<br />At the end of the day<br />My words get burned as wood<br />Oh, but I was good.<br /><br />I’m haunted by my God<br />Who has the right to ask me<br />What by the nature of my rebellion<br />I cannot give.<br /><br />These songs are noise<br />In your ears<br />A clanging drum<br />You want my love</span></p><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">-Shane and Shane</span></span></div><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 18px; "></p></div></span>Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-68355569818254925702010-01-31T12:49:00.000-06:002010-02-14T01:09:33.608-06:00Sacred or Secular...This particular statement that was made by Pastor John today called out so many truths in my life. Sacred or Secular? Can we really separate the two when our God is so interested in our lives? He is not just interested in part of us, the church/ministry/christian music part of us. He is all interested and all invested. We have the opportunity to glorify him in EVERYTHING that we do and represent his name to all around us in all ways, always. Can we compartmentalize God in and out of certain areas of our lives. We can try to think we can but we fail. As much as we separate it does no good. He's there, in those places of our lives we couldn't think of God any less. Let's work on remembering him in all that we do. I'll be praying that I continue to do so. Join me in this prayer?Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-10779853276890197882009-10-05T00:41:00.000-05:002009-10-05T01:15:28.292-05:00Let's play a little catch up...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Ok. So about a year and a half ago I was in a relationship that was challenging me to find my heart as a woman and as a woman that belonged to God first and foremost. I had recently finished reading Captivating by John Eldrege, which is a book that looks into the heart of a female and how it was created. So, at this point I was starting to see why certain things were hurting me the way they were and where it was coming form. My past hardly facilitated any introspection and I was not used to looking for the root of the things I did or the reason for the things I felt: so this flow of full emotion that was filling me was a completely new thing to me. Given the climate of my heart, something compelled me to read Songs of Solomon. I read it and I swear it changed my life; God often does that. I was able to read this book as a 3-fold kind of deal: a reflection of my relationship with the Lord, His relationship with the Church and my relationship with a man all at the same time. So, here is where my heart is when what follows arises. </span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">An argument between my boyfriend(for lack of a better term, boyfriend doesn't seem quite adequate...he was much more) and I had left me hurt and feeling cut to the core. Thus comes this...</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">"Holder of the Sword"</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Loving someone is the sharpest<br />of double edged swords.<br />With one edge it is capable of<br />Tearing down barriers and ripping down<br />Walls that guard the heart<br />Leaving its flesh exposed to feel<br />Indescribable and insurmountable feelings of<br />peace and joy and happiness.<br />With these you can conquer all things.<br />While still the other will cut you to the quick,<br />Stealing the life blood right from you<br />With breathe taking pain and anguish<br />Unmatched by any other emotion.<br />With only one gentle graze,<br />The wrong side of the blade<br />Has the power to kill the soul<br />And callous the vulnerable heart.<br />Holder of the sword, take care,<br />The matter is not light:<br />So easily the sword is swung,<br />Be sure of the way it falls.<br />With every thought, every action,<br />Every word the sword is at the root.<br />Which edge shall you use,<br />Holder of the sword?</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I believe firmly in the words that flowed from my heart that day. I have come to realize that the power of the tongue is more than we, as a people, care to think about these days. With my words I have the power to heal or to kill. I am challenged to use my words wisely every day...given that my words, my sword, has that kind of power. I pray and hope, by the grace of God, my words are only words that give freedom to vulnerability and have no part in causing callus or pain in the heart of any person. I challenge you to be conscious of the way you wield your sword as well.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">May this be so, only by the Grace of God EVERLASTING.</span></span></span></div>Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1447813603920115898.post-28051460514488522492009-10-04T15:58:00.000-05:002009-10-04T16:00:54.501-05:00The beginningSo this is the beginning. I started this blog in hopes of release and retrospect. The act of writing and publicizing will hopefully encourage a continued practice of delving into thoughts and beliefs so here I go.Kacey Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10644766546363802146noreply@blogger.com0