Thursday, November 10, 2011

Heavy boots..

My boots are heavy today. There is not one thing I can pinpoint as the issue here. I think its more of a combination of all sorts of small things. I miss my friends, my community. You see, I moved to Rockport a few months ago (my parents house, yes I know, I'm too old) as kind of a transition place. I'm still not transitioning to anything or anywhere. My life is considerably different than how I assumed it would be right now. Thats what happens when you assume, I've been told. But, alas, I am here. I'm not being a productive person in society or for the Kingdom and I think I struggle with that, not being productive. I have a life that has been given to me, and I have every intention of using it to the fullest that God can use me. Its hard not knowing how to use it, being scared you might waste it with mediocrity. I have never struggled with these things before now. I've always had something to do, a mission to be on. Maybe this is also a lesson, which is good, lessons are always good. But its still hard, you know? I still miss my friends. Inside jokes. Laugh fests. Dinner nights. Movie nights. Hang out nights. All of it. Even fights because it meant I was in close enough proximity to see the messy part of someone and vise versa. I've had most of these friends for the past 6 years! I miss them. I don't believe "miss" accurately relates the degree in which I long to be with them all again. Even the ones I didn't know all that well. Its hard pressing on with out a physical group of friends walking along side you. Sometimes if I'm not careful I feel alone. I may be lonely but I'm never alone. And sometimes I forget that his company is just as much offered as my friends. And its not that I didn't seek his company before, its just different with no one around. His peace is lasting and more meaningful, eternal. Maybe this is a lesson as well. Relying on him in new ways. Not allowing friends to be a crutch. That is good. Hard to remember sometimes. But, oh, so good. He is Good. The following verse is one of my favorite promise from the mouth of Christ himself. It has sustained me well as of late. "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."-John 14:27. I will receive your peace, my Christ. Thank you, eternally grateful.