Sunday, December 19, 2010

Just a little weepy...

You know, its a funny thing. I've been a little weepy lately. I'm not really sure why. I'm not much of a crier. Anger is a closer frienemy than my tears. I took a job at my church as the Administrative coordinator and I've seen a lot of brokenness, broken families. It breaks my heart. I'll see a man walking down the street with dingy clothes and a limp, breaks my heart. I talk to one of my younglife girls who doesn't have money for lunch. Hear a story about a kid at a high school who is hungry and ashamed and hardened because of it. A friend who was raped and wavers in belief of God's goodness because of Man's sin. This all brings me to tears, and I really do think its a good thing, the tears that is. Why, you might ask? Because I think these are things that break the heart of my Heavenly Father. He did not create us to know hunger or pain. He created us to be in a perfect relationship with him. It hurts to know that there is a chance that things could have never turned out as they have. This life was chosen for us by those that were before us and we still don't seem to choose God the way he desires us. Even if we do, others don't always do and that leaves us to still deal with the mess of Sin. There is grace and beauty in this story though. We know Sin because God created us free to choose, complete freedom to choose. With the ultimate choice of Him the opposite is also ultimate. Free love is better than conditional any day and God knew that. He wants us to be free lovers, never forced into relationship with him. When I see the opposing side I see no other choice. I choose to live for God because He is good and I was created for him and by him. I want to be in a relationship with him. Why would I want to eat from a garbage can when a banquet table is being offered?That seems nonsensical. Choosing him also makes me a little weepy sometimes too, but in a different way, in way that says, "I am home and safe." I have a hope in my future because the redeeming power God has offered through Christ. And thats a big deal. This world is not the end of my story, its only the beginning. Praise God, heaven here I come, I'm coming home someday.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


"Life." That word has more meanings than I ever care to define. What would you say life is? Some say it is the summation of events during a time that a person is alive...maybe the ability to breath and keep your body alive. Everyday I feel as though I'm challenged to define life. Can you ever really though? It seems as though the definition changes...but does it? I'd like to say that my definition of life is the ability to experience God's grace and compassion, redemption and love amidst the crap of the world enslaved to sin and experience what he has to offer through it all. True living is seeing God in all situations. It is being redeemed to my Creator. That is where I find true life. For me life is only given through God. Why do I say this, you might ask? Because with out God giving me a way out, a hope and a future, then so many times I would be dragged away and enticed by my own sinful desires and what life is that really? If I were constantly living in sin? Living life sitting in a dirty diaper. I would be plagued with self-conciousness and self-pity. I would struggle with a bad attitude and anger. Knowing myself before Christ pulled me out of the pit, my "life" would be far from pure in any way. And what life is that? That is no life. That is anger and strife and pain. No one cares to live that life if they truly would think about it. Somedays I find myself defining my "life" as pretty close to the aforementioned. Luckily God doesn't just pull me out of the pit once. It's true my heart is prone to wonder from the One I love. But my true heart longs to love my God. I pray that I can live my "life," experience life and define life not by what the world says it is but what my God offers. Pray with me?

Sunday, April 25, 2010


Here I am
One more day of not
Loving Him the way He asks
In fact my heart is singing praises to the things
that make me feel alright

So I’m sinking fast like a stone heart should
And on the way down
I’ve done what I could
To try and try to turn this stone to flesh

I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give.

So I beg for you to move
I beg for you to move
I beg for you to break through

So here I am
Got my deeds for the day
All my cute little words about
How I am saved
Am I saved?

Could I love you with my mouth like a church kid should
At the end of the day
My words get burned as wood
Oh, but I was good.

I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give.

These songs are noise
In your ears
A clanging drum
You want my love

-Shane and Shane

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Sacred or Secular...

This particular statement that was made by Pastor John today called out so many truths in my life. Sacred or Secular? Can we really separate the two when our God is so interested in our lives? He is not just interested in part of us, the church/ministry/christian music part of us. He is all interested and all invested. We have the opportunity to glorify him in EVERYTHING that we do and represent his name to all around us in all ways, always. Can we compartmentalize God in and out of certain areas of our lives. We can try to think we can but we fail. As much as we separate it does no good. He's there, in those places of our lives we couldn't think of God any less. Let's work on remembering him in all that we do. I'll be praying that I continue to do so. Join me in this prayer?