Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Its been a while...

So here I am, in New York for 8 months now. What do I have? What have I learned? What have I done? Have I made it good? These questions I ask myself regularly. The pendulum swings from them being productive questions to repressive questions. Today, they are productive. The produce in me, today, energy to move forward, to be strong, to play my part as only I can play for the Kingdom. As I was listening to Mumford's new album and reading in Ephesians these are the pictures that stand out for me most. We can start with Mumford. There is a line in "The Boxer" (originally sung by Simon & Garfunkel...I choose Mumford's version) that says "'I am leaving, I am leaving.' But the fighter still remains." I'm not going to tell you what S&G or M&S is trying to say but I will tell you the story it tells me when I hear these lines. I see a man (or woman, namely...me) that has gone through hard times, has fought their way through and is left with scars from the battles whether they be battles they were put through or put themselves through. They have fought hard and long and are now on the other side choosing to lay certain things down, move on, move out from the things that have beaten him down. But one thing remains. The will to fight, to protect and succeed and strength. The battles fought teach you how to fight, build "muscles" and flexibility. These skills left once a fight is over are invaluable. You become stronger and more ready to be good, prepared. With peace and confidence and courage. As I continue to live life on this Earth of this thing I become more sure of every day. We are constantly in refining. And when we can see this as a blessing your day to day can become joy rather than oppression. I think of precious metals being melted. Refining changes the substance with fire, a painful and devastating thought. It might be easy to think that the precious is being ruined in the fire but what is actually happening is only the precious and good remains (because the refiner knows the exact heat needed for the process) and is reshaped for what it was truly meant to be. As the process continues different things are added to the precious to make it stronger and more suited for its use. Each time I'm put in the fire the things that make me weak like insecurities, doubt, fear and indolence are being taken away. They are being burned out of me leaving me with what makes me strong and precious and good. I'm being reshaped into what I am called to be on and for this earth. And this I welcome. I have had this picture in my head for the last five plus years of a woman naked but slightly veiled or shadowed, no detail or face or skin shown being lifted from a raging fire. She holds a posture of submission, strength, peace, confidence and ease. I have shied away from being that woman for too long here in the city. Today I choose to be how I am made. Nothing less. Who knows what that means practically each day but each day I'll figure it out. When I not being who I'm called to be not only am I sacrificing the Good Works that God has done in me but I am sacrificing the plans that he has to use me in His Kingdom for those that are lost and hurting. That brings me to Ephesians. Ephesians chapter 2 verses 19 through 22 paints this grand picture of building or a temple. He calls us as believers the household of God (and fellows with the saints) to be built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets with Christ as the only cornerstone that holds all together for the dwelling place of the Lord. I see a world where God has provided believers a place to build their foundation on. He has given us examples and led the way for us through his apostles and prophets. A literal reference point. He gave us Christ to unite us with Him and with each other to bind us and hold us together in his strength to form a bond so tight and so pure that it can be the dwelling place of the Lord. Literally, I see us as believers being accountable to what we are called to do, love Christ and love others, playing our part in this world that builds the Kingdom on earth. A place that allows God to be present which in turn allows those lost and hurting to enter our lives and see the work or the Lord for themselves. A place where they are free to experience his great love with out condemnation from us who know the truth. When we as believers can hold onto the truths of Christ and come together regardless of denomination or upbringing or culture or personality we are a part of something so much greater than ourselves. I am inspired to hold to my calling to be exactly that for those on the outside. I know the love of Christ too well to withhold it from any living being and will make it my forever mission to live my life in a way that allows God to be seen for who he is and to use my life to show his love. His love is too great. Brothers and sisters, be this with me! Lets be together a dwelling place of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control because there is nothing that can have power over these. 

Sunday, March 18, 2012

A piece of home...

So, here we are. I've been living in the big apple for a month and a half now. It seems as though time is flying by. It kind of feels like I'm walking on one of those horizontal escalator things you see in airports. You know? You walk normal pace but since the floor is moving you're walking like double speed. Yeah, thats what its like. But the adventure my horizontal escalator had me on this past week was a wonderful one. I had a good friend here. Let me tell you a little about him so what I say after will be in context. We had done ministry together for a few years. He came on to my team as a green, wide-eyed freshman. He was mature for his age, curious and bold but young. He was just what our team needed. I haven't spent much time with him since this past May since I moved away but he was still a dear person to me. Now he is even more mature and wise to the ways of his Maker, is passionately seeking His wisdom and still bold, but not so young. I have been able to see this transformation that God is working in him and its such a blessing. Having my friend here was so great for so many reasons. Because he is who he is in Christ it was good to have him see my new life and affirm that I'm walking the right path. We had great conversation that was glorifying AND fun. But for me the visit was about more than just him, my dear friend. It was like having a little piece of home here in my new city. I have been separated for such a short time but since I'm on my escalator it seems like a lifetime. He served as a reminder of the wonderful things I left behind. It reminded me that there are people back home that know me, my mess and my sin and still choose to be my friend, and not only be my friend but love me in spite of myself. It was a reminder of the blessing that God made of my community and a reminder of what to strive for in my new world of relationships. Him leaving was a hard thing, again, for more reasons than just himself. When he left he not only took my friend, he took the window to my old world, my piece of home and my comfort of what home represents to me. It was hard to have that leave. I didn't want to let him take that away. As I walked away from the train station to the subway it took all that I had not to cry in front of the wide range of characters you find the subways at 1am on Friday. Only a few tears betrayed me and I had already reached the track so the only ones who took notice were the rails and few pieces of garbage. But really, home never does go away. It never disappears, I think. Home makes its place in your heart and as far away as you can go, home is there. For the first day or so after my piece of home and my friend left it was a sad time. I was constantly reminded of everything I loved and missed, of what makes home Home. I had become pretty good at not thinking about home so I wouldn't be sad. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to make that go away. I kept thinking how much I just wanted to go back home. But in that, I was also aware that to step away from where I am would mean that I was stepping away from the utmost and highest he has for me right now. That is not something I care to step away from. Like Moses in the desert, I fight for my attitude to be that of his. That the desert with God is better than the promised land with out him. Not that if I go home I would be exiled but I know that that is not the plan right now. I set out today to reconcile those feelings. To figure out how to make it through this weird transition time of missing my Home and desiring His highest for me. I took a bit of hike to a coffee shop to listen to a sermon, read a book and just reflect. The sermon was wonderful, as it usually is. Thank you Matt Carter for following the heart of Jesus. I picked up where I left off in the book, "Out of Solitude" by Henri Nouwen that I have been talking about and of course it was perfect. He opens with John 16 where Jesus is telling his disciples that he is living in a short amount of time but will return again in a short time and he continues to discuss with his beloveds what this all means and could look like. Nouwen was discussing expectation and what it means to expect in patience and in joy. He talks about those who "expect joy to come out of sadness can discover the beginnings of a new life in the center of the old, that those who look forward to the returning of the Lord can discover him already in their midst...Expectation brings joy to the center of our sadness and the loved one to the heart of our longings. The one who stayed with us in the past will return to us in the future becomes present to us in that precious moment in which memory and hope touch each other. At that moment we can realize that we can only expect someone because he has already touched us." He also uses a story of a friend leaving home and the friend says "if the good-bye wasn't painful, the hello cannot be joyful either." Man, there is so much to unpack in all this. We will start with my friend...Its ok for me to be sad he is leaving because that means that he is good in my life. I can be sad at the leaving of the representation of home because Home = good. And if hurts to watch those leave then coming home again will be oh-sooooooo-good. I cannot wait to come home. The pain of the absence truly does tell me how much value it has in my life. I am glad to have something that good even if it hurts to be away. Now, for the other part, the "how can I reconcile the missing the old with the coming of new." I found peace again today after a day or two of unsettledness. I am reminded that I have seen what is good and can look forward to the returning of that in my life wherever I am. I can hold onto the memories of the work that He was doing in my life with Hope of his continuing work and plans. I am so excited to continue my life expecting the joy of Christ with patience that knows its worth it to wait. I pray that I can hold onto these truths. I do certainly apologize for the length of this silly thing, but condensing isn't always my forte. Forgive me?

Monday, February 27, 2012

Settling in...

I feel like I have so much to say so bear with me as I sort my scattered thoughts. So, since the last update a million and five things have happened. Very shortly after the post this girl named Candice from London stayed at our apartment and we got to spend some really sweet time together. I didn't know her before the day she came to stay for a week. I met her the night before at a show she played in a cozy lounge in SoHo. She was wonderful and talented. What was really great is that we got to talk about our lives with each other. And her story spoke to me. And me getting to talk deeply also was soothing to my soul. We stood third in line for an hour at a theatre on broadway for tickets to How to Succeed in Business, sipped lattes and ate brunch at a bistro, sat at Lincoln Center for fashion week and, of course, went and saw the show. It was great. And I met Nick Jonas...I'll get to that in a sec. To sum it up. My Jesus sent me her just to share life with someone. And it was good. So, Nick Jonas. I hung around after the show to see how he interacted with people to see if he, I don't know, was as genuine as he presents himself in other areas of his life. Everyone was yipping and squealing and pushing papers at him to sign and sticking cameras out for pictures. He would politely say thank you or you're welcome and smile for the camera. Well, the girls in front of me stepped out of the way once they got their autograph and I was exposed. I assumed he was expecting me to thrust my playbill in his face for an autograph, I didn't want an autograph, I'm not about them. He looked at me and kind of smiled so I stuck my hand out and said I just wanted to shake your hand and tell you you did a great job tonight. He looked stunned, fumbled out a, "thank you, thank you so much." And I returned the smile said you're welcome and turned to leave and he said, "you have a good night!" So I turned back around and responded with a "thanks, you too." I saw an unexpectedness and a thankfulness and humility in his eyes. That was really cool. He definitely lived up to the expectation I had of him as a believer. Hooray!  In other news, I've also been to the opera, the movies, a cool studio (where Beyonce shot "love on top"), had a few lunches, diners and other things, started a job, got lost on trains, went to a few shows and was an extra for a friends film for one of her classes at the New York Film Academy. So many cool "new yorkish" things, WITH PEOPLE! I think I really needed a desert time to realize how much of a blessing the road God has paved before really is. And it was such a short desert time. I am quite thankful for that as well. I'm sure they will come and go from time to time, I'm under no veil. After that quiet time I had prepared myself for a few months of that feeling, and I felt ready to battle it because I was fighting with the creator on my side. But His plan was different. AND THAT IS WELCOMED! I feel like I'm settling in nicely. I do have friends I can call up for lunch or coffee. Even dinner really! I don't feel lonely. I do still get bored sometimes though. But I'll take boredom over loneliness any day! I have made friends with some really cool people and am very excited to see how things unfold. I have an itch that something greater is in store. Like something is just around the corner that is great and big and wonderful and meaningful. I feel an itch to do something...bigger, more. And the anticipation is killing me but it is so good because I know that his timing is perfect and I'll wait. BUT OH GOSH! I can't wait. :) If you would, pray for me that I am present in my own life and paying attention to his presence in mine most importantly. I'll keep you posted. Onward!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Truth be told...

I'd be lying if I told you everything has been easy as pie, or gravy. But turns out it hasn't. The city is wonderful and a host of a great many things to do. This is the problem. Hardly any of those are things that I would want to do by myself. There are so many restaurants I want to try, shows I want to see. Here, I am painfully aware that I am new and I am far, far away from my community and family. From friends I can just call up and say, "hey, lets do lunch!" or "Lets go see Lion King on Broadway!" OR LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON. I have began to make friends and a few that I am SUPER excited to see where our friendship takes us in this city! But not quite a community and not quite close enough to just call up. I have no doubts that I will get there eventually, that I will settle in and find my niche because I know this is where he wants me. (Speaking of niches and nooks...I'm sitting at a coffee shop called Penny House Cafe and I think I found my homey neighborhood coffee...that is a great find for me in settling). So as I was speaking of my insecurities and loneliness to my besty Katie today, I felt a little lighter being able to externalize my internals. Ya know what I mean? I finished our convo and came in enjoyed my chai and bagel and relaxed. I started reading this book she loaned me called "Out of Solitude" by Henri J.M. Nouwen. It dropped some truf on me fa sho. He opens with scripture from Mark's Gospel, the story of Jesus going out to a lonely place to pray. And then he dives into the work that God does when we seek him, when we find those places of solitude to allow him to center us and focus us on whats really good and really right. He talks about how our lives are centered around actions but should be conversely centered around stillness and Christ and when they are our actions become an overflow of good rather than empty. It so makes sense and I have many stories to prove it in my own life. He talks about how in our business and action we start to believe that that is our worth and how when we believe that we have to live up to certain expectations. I can keep going on and on about the good things he called attention to but I wont. You'll just have to read it. The point of me telling you all of that is that having read that I have a renewed sense of my worth being here. Its not in my actions that I have enjoyment or worth but In Christ. I may be lonely but I am not alone and God does some crazy work when I allow myself to be undistracted for a time. I am ready to tackle this lonely season now because I can't wait to see what God does as I sit and listen. I can enjoy myself here, by myself, because my joy does not have to come from external motions and actions. That is great thing to be reminded of. I knew all these things before, but its easy to lose sight of truth when you surrounded by doubt...

I can have joy on a Friday night in the city as I sit alone. I can have joy as I sit alone in the subway on my way to central park by myself. Because truthfully, I'm not alone. I take a deep breath. Let it out. Smile. And continue this day renewed and encouraged by the greatness of what God offers. The peace. True peace. I am grateful. "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as this world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27. "You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off. Fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:9-10 (sidenote on the Isaiah scripture, as I finished reading in O.O.S. I opened my bible randomly just to see what comes up. This is what I open to. And my page marker is here which is strange because I remember mostly putting it into my place that I left off in 2 Corinthians yesterday...I was affirmed, again, in His word that he is with me and he is sustaining. This time was good)

Saturday, February 4, 2012

A Little Exploring...




So today I went exploring. THE TRAIN WAS PACKED LIKE SARDINES! And super slow. There were many "whoops'" and "excuse me's" and "pardon me's" being thrown around. Most of them communicated by looks really. I left my apartment in Brooklyn intending on checking out the American Museum of Natural History (the one on night at the museum) but I got off the stop and the line was so looooooong. I decided to wait another day. So instead I got to spend extra time at central park before sundown/cold time. I surfaced on 76th and entered the park after a chap stopped me to talk about human trafficking. I called an audible and treked to Starbucks for a keep-me-warm hot chocolate.When I finally meandered back into the park slopes and lakes and people and rocks greeted me. It was a sight for sore eyes. I'm already missing green. But There is tons of it here in Central Park! Hooray for me! It was beautiful and wonderful and truly a breath of fresh air. My first stop in the park was this little peninsula where you can see across most of the lake with the building playing peek-a-boo over the tree tops. There were pretty little mallards with their emerald heads swimming across the glassy water. So lovely. Then...


Bow Bridge. I loved this bridge. It was so romantic. Like Jane Austen herself wrote it into existence! I really would have liked to sit here a while longer and imagine but there was just so much more to see. And it was a bit to chilly to just sit around. Just around the bend from here is Bethesda Fountain. I was on the steps for maybe 10 seconds when I hear these wonderful sounds. It was voices. It sounded like so many so I followed my wanting ears to the tunnel between the stairs. Five people were standing in a line (it turned out to be a family: two boys, two girls ranging from 12ish to 25ish and a dad). I wish I could put into words what it was like to hear them sing. The guy around 20ish was bewitching. I would rather listen to him sing than John Legend any day and thats saying a lot. It was like the notes drifted from his humble mouth and wrapped gently around your face to hold your attention. They were harmonizing hymns, giving them new life full of joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and gentleness. And each of them possessed the humility and kindness in their words, their song and their voice. The middle girl came up to me and asked if I wanted a cd. They were $10. I only had $5 so I gave her the $5 anyway and said "I'm sorry I don't have enough cash but I please take it anyway." She gave me a cd and said don't worry about. Super cool. Cause now I can keep listening! I hated to leave the beauty but I felt a little creeperish staying as so many others came and went. I did listen to three songs after all.




The other side of the tunnel called my name. Immediately on the other side I saw a mega sized bubble blower with a girl dancing behind the bubbles getting her picture taken. She was character. Then it was rollerbladers doing tricks. Then almost getting run over by a skateboarder. Then a saxiphone player. Then a dog with a ball. She dropped it at my feet, sweet thing. I threw it for her. Then art booths. Then a walk down 7th to Times Square with lots of lights and people. Then the subway. As I walk down the steps to the platform I hear a soulful, raspy voice of a 40/50 year old man singing sexual healing. He really had a great voice. He then sang Proud Mary. He invited me to sing along. I did! It was fun :) He told me that he thought I looked happy and that he doesn't usually get to tell people that. We chit chatted and his kind words were refreshing. He dedicated a song to me that I didn't quite know but was familiar with, it was sweet and hilarious. Then he sang Ain't No Sunshine, which happens to be a favorite of mine. He was a kind soul. I caught my train back home and now I'm here. Exhausted. And ready for bed and its only 9.  And thats no good because I know if I go to bed I'll just wake up in a few hours bright eyed and bushy tailed. I guess pinterest and coffee will be my awakeness helpers. Wish me luck! Thanks for stoppin' by folks! Miss you TEXAS!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

My First Day...

WARNING! THIS ISN'T SHORT::   So, here I am. Its official. I live in NYC. How 'bout that? I hate to admit it but I came here with the preconceived notion that the people were going to be...well...frankly...rude. Let me tell you of my experiences. So I get off the plane and head to the oh-so-fun baggage claim and decided it would be a grand idea for me to get a trolly since I had so much figgin' stuff. The machine wouldn't take my money. A car driver then informed that I "never need to buy one. There are always ones around ready for me to take." I told him how great of an idea it was and his car driver friend (who, by the way, beamed of kindness and gentleness) affirmed that it was true. So I start to head off to grab one and then the driver (the first one) said, "let me go get it for you, my plane hasn't landed yet." I was completely taken aback! My bags come and he hasn't returned so I looked around for him and didn't see him. The second driver comes up to me assures me he is coming back and then returns to his post. I walked up to him and admitted my notions of the people in NYC and that neither of them fit my notion. He said, "there are some of every kind. But you're nice, you'll find nice people and God will put nice people in your path." What a soul. I was warmed by his kind words. The other driver retuned with my cart! Hooray! And he loaded my bags for me too! So I head to my cab hopped in and was on my way. The cab was on $27! I was expecting $50. I called my new roomie so she could meet me outside and show me the way. A person of small stature and build comes out of the building towards me so I wave. It wasn't her. It was a guy. Whoops. So I apologized and explained to him I thought he was someone else. He said no biggie and asked if I was going somewhere as he pointed at my mountain of things that accompanied me. I said no, that I was actually moving in. "Cool," he said and extended his hand in introduction stating that he was "James from 214." Thats great because I'm in 114, we share a ceiling/floor. We small chatted and he headed off. 3rd nice person. Victoria come out with arms wide for a hug and a big smile that was a breath of fresh air. She helped me in and I met Liz who was also quite welcoming and warm with a hug. Victoria made me cupcakes in welcome! So great, because I was starving after having not eaten for 12 hours! She also made me a grilled cheese, clutch! Nice people 3 and 4. The other two roomies made it home. Also nice 5 & 6 accompanied by Britt, who is GREAT...nice #7. The next morning I went for a walk and coffee and a croissant at Sit and Wonder and the barista was sweet. Nice person 8. Went to the grocery and stood dumbfounded at the $7 miracle whip. As I was attempting to figure that out a firefighter came up and was looking for something near me. I felt like a dummy just standing there so I made a comment about the grocery prices. He gave me great tips on saving money on groceries. Nice #9. (Lets abbrev. to n#9). Next, I needed to get to Ikea for hangers and a towel and an alarm clock (SINCE MY PHONE ONLY HAS RECEPTION STICKING OUT THE WINDOW IN THE LIVING ROOM). I wrote my stops on my hand so I didn't have to pull out a map, I have no desire of looking like a tourist. A large gentleman with tattoos and bald head sits next me. I smiled as he sat and he returned the smile. He a few minutes later asked if it was permanent as he pointed at the scribble on my hand in curious manner, not condescending. I said, "no, its my stops. I moved here last night and didn't want to look silly with a map. But don't tell anyone!" He laughed and assured me he wouldn't. We chit-chatted about his tattoos and other things. Turns out he was in the marines and stationed in Corpus a while back. Who knew!? N#10. I get out at the terminal and couldn't find the stop for my bus that was supposed to be right of the terminal. I walked circles around the building. Finally found it and waited. (It was right out of the terminal, it was just marked shuttle and not b6whatever like it was supposed to be) While waiting a man with a news camera asked me if he could ask me a few questions. I said maybe. So he told me that so-and-so was making a state of the burough speech and he was tasked with finding out what people in the burough thought. I informed him I had only been here since last night so I wouldn't be that great of a person to ask. He asked me a couple of questions about that. He was nice. N#11. After waiting a while longer I read that the shuttle only runs after three. I looked at my watch it read two. So I go to starbucks get a coffee and sit on the steps of the building on the opposite side. I looked at my watch again. 2:35. Then I realize that my watch was still set to Texas time. Dummy. I missed the bus twice. I made it back and got on the 4 o'clock shuttle. I got my items after having to figure out the two story maze that ikea was. I checked out and headed to the door where two security guards greet you to check bags and receipts. Turns out the lady didn't charge me for everything. I froze thinking I was going to get pulled in for shoplifting. I swore to him that I wen't through the line and bought the bag so I ... Him and the other guard believed me and said no biggie. And make jokes about the cashier. He took me back to get me checked out properly. He had to write what happened in a little book and was making jokes with me during the process. So was the other guy. N#12, 13. I make it home finally! My plans for the evening were to meet a friend for dinner on Canal Street. We did. She and the dinner were both great!! We trek to Lincoln Center to see the beautiful buildings and a huge line of police cars parks along a row of nice cars. We make our way a little closer so we can see what was going on. We got bold and asked the tall gentleman security guard what was going on. He told us it was just a drill. Maybe he was telling the truth :) We chatted for a while and turns out he is from Gambia (West Africa). N#14. He called over his other security guard friend so he could introduce us. He was Mike from Brooklyn, an Italian who grew up there. We all chatted a while longer. Mboob (sec. guard 1) had to leave and Mike called over his friend Zhi who's parents were from just south of Brazil. We kept chatting for a while. We absolutely bantered about where we were from and accents and other things. N#15 and 16. Chantilly and I went back to her place to see her new puppy. It was 12 and I was exhausted so it was time to head home. Two hours later!!! I made it. So sleepy. Now I sit my second day here completely dumbfounded by the caliber of niceness I have encountered. I'm glad to say that those notions were shot down %100. Now, I'm sure that I will meet people that fit the rude criteria but that will no longer define the city as a whole. I am so excited about what God is going to do while I am here and what people he has in line for me to meet. But for now, I must go! I'm meeting Alison for dinner. YUM! Sorry this was just sooo long. Take care, Pray for me and the city?!

Friday, January 6, 2012

State of the Union...

Here is my address. My heart is breaking because our great union is anything but a union. As I watch the news or read articles or see pictures there is disunity of every kind and I'm ashamed of what we have become. Americans are fighting Americans. Where is the sense in that? We are on the same team! We are civilized human beings with a conscience. Act like it! Instead of celebrating success we scorn those who are successful and demand a portion instead of working for it. People are crying out for help and a grubby check is thrown at them every month to silence the cries. Neither of these does anyone any good. There are mouths in this country that go unfed. There is no reason for hunger to exist here! There is greed on every corner from top to bottom, no class is excluded here. Our greed will continue to drive us to the grave. If you don't have money don't buy. You have an extra dollar? Help someone out. We have created a culture of class wars and takers. Our culture is greedy and needy and as long as those two exist there is disorder sure to follow. Where are we Americans? Where is our pride in hard work? Where is our generosity and compassion? Where is our true charity? Where is our will to fight for each other for the good? Where is our sense of UNITY in this united states? Stop fighting! Put away your signs and fight for a job, fight for an education. You can do it I believe in you. The other percentage. Open your eyes. See what you are doing and what you are NOT doing. See who is around you. If you have resources you don't need give someone a hand, I'm sure you've had a hand a time or two. Give someone a job. You CAN afford it, I'm sure. If you can't I bet you know someone that can. Look out for your fellows! America, do not be too high and mighty that you wont take a job that is "below" you. If you need a job TAKE IT until you figure something else out. Pull it together America! We can be strong. We can be powerful and a mighty nation. But as long as we fight each other we will fall. Stop taking what you do not deserve. Work hard. Pay fair. Treat each other with respect. HAVE respect for yourselves. Lets fight for each other not against. We have brains, use them. America, I believe in you. I believe that we have what it takes to bring us back again. You are strong, be strong! Make sacrifices. Take pride in who you are and what you can do! Whatever it is! This country needs all types, we have all types. Pick up your head and see what you can do for someone, for yourself, your neighbor, for your country, for your fellow Americans. Come on America! Wake up! Pay attention! We are bigger than this. We can do better! We are better than this! I BELIEVE IN US!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Here and there...

So here I am. Its January 4th, 2012. And I am on a brand new journey. So far a new year is bringing me a new job, a new home, a new roommate, a new zip code and a new state even! And all this new is making me shake in my boots a little. I'll have never been so far away from things that make me feel at home. My family. My friends. The people that know me and still choose to love me. I have the very best of friends that allow me to be who I am. Extend me grace when I don't deserve it. Compassion when I need it most and Love when I am every bit of a fool. They see my sin and say Yes to me anyway. That is Christ working in the hearts of the people around me and it blesses me tenderly and abundantly. Out of all the "news," a new community is what scares me the most...terrified might be a better adjective. Really thats the only thing that scares about moving to NEW YORK CITY (yeah, thats where I'm going). Building a new community. Man, thats hards work. It took me six years to build what I have now. Six years of conflicts and resolutions. Molding and Shaping. Bending and at times even breaking but always being redeemed. And now, I'm starting from scratch. All over again. I'd be lying if I told you that insecurities of it possibly taking a really long time didn't exist in my heart every now and again. What if I don't find that again at all? Its a possibility. I love my friends. I love my family. Just as they each are. Here is what I have to remember. I have to remember that if God is going to call me somewhere, which is what I feel like he has done, then I have to trust that He will meet me there. I know He desires community with us and will allow me to find it. Yeah, it probably will take quite a bit of time and lots more work but its so worth it. My community now is every bit of proof I ever need. Even if I do not find a community for quite some time I need to rely on the community that exists between me and the trinity. And that alone is the most glorious of communities. And more sustaining than anything else on this splendid, green earth. I need that truth burned into my heart!! So here's to my new journey God has sent me on! Cheers! Pray for me?